We’ve all seen Wall-E, right? It’s starting to feel like if the film wasn’t animated it could be a documentary about the near future. The floating fatsos in their all encompassing video chairs. Well, guess what? Like all post-modern phenomenon, it’s already real.
The New York Times recent article about the new Fantasy Lounge at the Jacksonville Jaguars football stadium had an image so familiar I initially thought it was for a re-issue of Wall-E. Jaguar fans now pay top dollar to go to the stadium and watch the game, in recliners, on TV’s… because reality isn’t half as good as what you can see from your chair.
It goes way beyond football…. Though I’m not quite floating, it’s getting more and more frightening what I can do from this recliner I’m leaning back in here.
The fundamentals you had to go to a store for a few years ago are gone: books, music, movies. To think that less than a decade ago appearing physically in a specific location was mandatory. Now it’s nostalgic.
Truth is, I recall those times with dread . So primitive to have to walk somewhere, buy something possessing weight, with physical money, all while interacting with a human being at a register? Outrageous…
What a drag to maybe bump into a young woman in the philosophy section of a used book store. Strike up a conversation about Nietzsche’s over a cup of coffee afterwards… Or maybe, see a director you like perusing the Foreign Films bin, learning he’s about to start a new project, and getting an audition as a result? What a relief to know none of that crap can infect me from my recliner .
There were a few other places populated with human beings where chance interaction might accrue: the post office, the market, college. But fortunately, email and on-line ordering and university video seminars are slowly antiquating all that. I just clicked my way to a weekly delivery of organically grown local produce even though there’s a Farmer’s Market a few blocks down the street. Why bother?
Why leave the house to see theater, or hear classical music, or an opera when there are live simulcasts? At the right volume, and under the right influences, it’s close enough to being there, and you don’t have to deal with those pesky crowds at the concession stand. And
I can do it all from this laptop, for free, and I don’t even have to take my thumb out of my ass. I feel even better about my zero carbon footprint, and so should you.
I’m also really looking forward to the implementation of Bitcoin. Let’s get rid of physical money all together. Abolishing the gold standard was easy enough. It also made it immeasurably easier to manipulate rates and value. Can you imagine how much easier that’ll be without the exchange of physical currency? The powers that be can make every cent we’ve save valueless, at will, with the click of a button…. We must protest! And we will!
It’s actually my favorite new reclining activity of all. Yes, my new found, cyber political activism. Now I can express my outrage without ever being in harm’s way. Why gather publicly to protest when I can sign an e-petition? In the last year alone, I’ve fought the construction of a new high rise, supported gay marriage, opposed a congressional farm bill and shown my utter contempt for the powers behind the Trayvon Martin verdict all with the swipe of a track pad.
Turns out the high rise is going up anyway, and the farm bill passed, and Trayvon’s killer walked… but you can be sure I’ll be continuing to express my anger on Facebook and I’ll blog till my fingers bleed…
That is, in between one-click purchasing a new pair of digital headphones to complete the near airtight cocoon I’m building around this chair I love so fucking much. It even has wheels on it, so I can scoot closer to the light switch which I need to turn off before I fall asleep, blissful reclined.