How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Coronal Mass Ejections
In 1859, a storm like no other in human history ravaged our planet. Oddly, it wasn’t rain, snow, or hurricane winds that did the damage.
This storm erupted 93 million miles away—a coronal mass ejection (CME) so powerful it set telegraph stations on fire and lit up the stratosphere with auroras visible as far south as Puerto Rico.
British astronomer Richard Carrington observed this celestial maelstrom, now known as the Carrington Event, which remains one of the most powerful geomagnetic storms in modern history.
Fortunately, in 1859, there wasn’t much to destroy.
At the time, Thomas Edison was still a mischievous kid, hawking self-printed newspapers on steam-powered trains. But had this solar flare hit thirty years later, when Edison’s DC power stations and Westinghouse’s AC transformers were electrifying cities, the damage would have been far more catastrophic.
The Good News? It Only Happens Every 150 Years. The Bad News? We’re Overdue.
July 23, 2012.
A massive solar eruption blasted from the Sun—missing Earth by a matter of days.
NASA scientists estimate that had the blast been aimed directly at us, it would have taken civilization a decade to recover, with damage costs in the double-digit trillions—assuming we didn’t wipe each other out in the ensuing chaos.
A direct hit of subatomic solar particles would:
✅ Paralyze satellites
✅ Fry every electrical grid
✅ Halt all transportation, banking, and government
✅ Render smartphones, computers, and ATMs useless
We’d have natural gas for a while. Propane and diesel generators, sure. But without electricity to refine fuel? That runs out fast.
Welcome back to the pre-Industrial Age—except there’s nowhere to tie up your horse.
Silver Linings of the Solar Apocalypse
No more app updates or binge-watching yet another underwhelming Netflix series.
The night sky will be spectacular—thousands of stars instead of the three we see in major cities.
Teenagers will have to make eye contact.
Young singles will have to attempt conversation instead of swiping right.
Paperbacks will become high-value commodities.
Raw cuisine will be all the rage.
Live theater and acoustic music will dominate entertainment. No band will ever have to make a music video.
The Iliad and Odyssey will once again be performed live—for three straight days. Sold out show. No tickets required.
Work? Mostly gone. Farming? A great skill to have.
Planes will be grounded.
Traffic jams? Gone—except for the gridlock of bicycles.
Commercial shipping? Dead—but we can always sail.
Greenhouse gas emissions? Zero.
Foraging will be a high-demand survival strategy. But be careful—
🍄 Don’t eat mushrooms unless you have a few hours to kill. (Which you will.)
🍇 Avoid poisonous berries and some of deez nutz.
Keep Your Eyes on the Skies
Coronal mass ejections travel at a million miles per hour, meaning we’d have roughly 93 hours to enjoy the end of the world as we know it.
We’ll feel fine. 🚀