You’re An Idiot And It’s Not Your Fault

A slew of recent scientific studies have finally begun to shed light on the likely reason so many people are so astonishingly stupid.  Not to worry, but the shocking new results point overwhelmingly to the phenomenon that our brains are being taken over by parasitic protozoa.

We homosapeins consider ourselves the Goliaths of the food chain, but there’s an embarrassment of microscopic David’s taking us down, cell by cell, with reckless impunity.

Scientists have known for decades that bacterial cells inhabiting the twists and turns of our intestines, and ear canals, and fingernails, and eyelashes outnumber human cells ten-to-one.  For the thirty thousand human genes that fashion who we are physically, there are roughly three million bacterial genes squatting along side them instead of paying rent. That makes us less than one percent human, literally.

Scientists have traced certain neurological disorders like Multiple Sclerosis to bacteria’s influence over our immune systems. The Lebron James of wicked one-celled organisms is Toxoplasma Gondii.  T.G. starts in catshit and leaps to any number of hosts, including humans, usurping the command center and forcing it to commit actions against its best interests.

And the little bastards will never stop. This is its microscopic will to power, an action engendered by the most basic reason nature provides: self-propagation.

What’s even more sinister is that this single-celled apocalypse doesn’t really show any symptoms.  It just gradually guides you as far the hell away from your best interests as it can in an effort to burn you out, use you up and find a new host to continue the glorious cycle of life.

So microorganisms are devouring our gray matter like fluffernutter and we don’t even realize it. What other reason can there be for ignoring the voluminous data regarding global warming, for example. How many warnings is it going to take?

In 1959, Gilbert Plass reported that the level of carbon dioxide in our air was becoming harmful. In 1965, President Johnson waved the same flag in front of Congress. Then, peanut power Jimmy Carter slapped solar panels on the roof of the white house. In 1979, the alarm bells rang official from the U.S. National Academy of Sciences.  By the 1980’s a serious influx of data from universities and laboratories starts corroborating the hypothesis. The 90’s births the Green movement. The aughts popularizes and commodifies it. And today we swim in the proverbial costal floodwaters of validated data saying the end is in sight if we don’t change course, and the longer we wait, the fewer options we have.

We’ve been presented with a fifty-year argument for the certainty of the future of our extinction and we still want more proof. For now, we’ve decided to blow it off in hopes squeezing out a few more decades of profit… Why is it so easy for us to continue to do nothing in the face of a Krakataun mountain of evidence?

The question is moot.  These pernicious little fungi/viruses/cerebral man-eaters are the ones to indict, try and convict.  They want us to heat up the earth because it’s a better environment for them to flourish in and they are slowly succeeding.

The host (us) will get so run down that all the bacteria will eventually overwhelm it.  It’s a disaster unfolding on multiple levels. On the macro level, it’s basically what’s happening to Capitalism, and America itself.

I have a friend going through it on the personal level; his ex-wife is taking him to the cleaners so severely that she will bankrupt him, and screw herself. I don’t have to tell you when the last time she had a job was, because the answer is never.  But like these tiny protozoa, she will soon kill the host she feeds off of, and put her own existence in danger.

I used to think the only one way to make people take action in today’s greedy ass, shortsighted, “what can you do for me me me” society, was to make people pay for shit.  Charge for pollution.  If you produce greenhouse gases on a commercial level, we’re gonna hit you in the wallet.  Then I thought extinction was the best motivator. You can decimate the environment to make yourself richer, but your grandkids are going to be spending it oxygen tents instead of under blue skies, ‘cause everything will be poisoned.

Now it’s evident that our best hope for survival is entirely out of our control. It’s all in the hands of Natural Selection; cross your collective fingers and toes. It’s a slow war being waged.  It will take generations for our bodies to find a way to combat these little life forms. But we’ve done it before, and against worse odds.

Who’d have bet that of all the creatures roaming the earth one hundred thousand years ago, the puny homosapeins would emerge as the champion species?   Not your smartest number crunching Wall Street vandal, or your most devious Vegas bookie.  In other words, today’s thriving parasitic protozoa…



  1. Just wanted to say, I totally dug on this blog. Keep on posting!

  2. I think it IS their fault. Dipshits. We should have a special place for them…

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